I am puke
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
