i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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