Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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