I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
