this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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