he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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