Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
