Just took my morning after pill in the library
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Your topless pictures make me question reality
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
