i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
