never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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