im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
