her facebook's as public as her vagina
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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