So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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