he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were destined to go to rehab together
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
