3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The power of my boobs compel you
We are all done wearing pants today
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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