Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
