I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
