the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
