you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
