he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
