I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
