Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
