haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
