even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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