Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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