Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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