I want to have your abortion
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
