My sheets look like a crime scene.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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