You really coming over, don't trick.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
