Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
