five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Life is so much better after having sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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