I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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