That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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