Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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