He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
false alarm, still single
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