i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
