I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
