he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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