i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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