If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
