Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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