Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
