I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
