i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
