Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
