If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
