I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
