Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
