the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
