everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
